yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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