the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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