Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
