Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
