i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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