I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
