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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
