a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
