I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
