What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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