I think my vagina is haunted
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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