WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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