If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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