Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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