i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have fence marks all over my body
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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