dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
