It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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