then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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