i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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