I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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