I hope mine doesn't look like that
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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