my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
