We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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