Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
