someone owes me an orgasm
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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