he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
