3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
