Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
