You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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