I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
