I got chris browned last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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