I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
