I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
