i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
