I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
