im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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