that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
