ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
