onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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