Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
