i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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