You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
