why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
