He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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