I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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