I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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