Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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