Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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