she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize