I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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