I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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