I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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