yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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