This house was built for laser tag.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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