I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
vagina is talking i cant
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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