you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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