i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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