I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
