rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
