i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
