I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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