is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize