i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My pussy is not your playground.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
