Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
