I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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