I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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