Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
