Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Green mimosas i think yes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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