sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize