When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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