you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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