he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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