So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
