Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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