So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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