I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
