Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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