you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
