If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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